Topic: Are non-sexual boyfriend/girlfriend relationships allowed?

[Muslim_boy]

As-Salamu`alaykum to my dear brothers and sisters,
             I am new here   . Forgive me if I will be asking many questions in the future but I am lack of knowledge so I need to find out more so that I do not do anything that Islam prohibited/Haraam with or without myself awaring it. Just to introduce myself, I am a 17 year old Muslim boy living and borned in Malaysia. As you may not know, most of the parents/teachers in my country never taught the children here to stay away from boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, they only tell us never go near/commit adultery/zina as it is haraam and a big sin.

            So as of this, I was wondering is it a sin (minor or major?) to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (the one without involving sexual intercourse) because many teenagers here (even adults) either muslim or non-muslim believe that it is OK to be in one as long as you do not commit zina and many of the marriages here comes out from dates as well. Forgive me for my ignorance brothers and sisters.

[muHammad_K]

wa ^alaykum salaam Muslim Boy.  

Welcome to Talk About Islam.    

It is good to seek the answers to questions because that is how we learn more about islaam.  So please ask if you need something to be clarified.  

zinaa is definitely a big sin.  As for having a non-sexual "friendship", this is allowed.  

(I avoid the term, "boyfriend/girlfriend relationship", as this is usually associated with relationships where there is some sin).  

A boy can talk to a girl in a Halaal way, but avoiding sinful talk.  Also he must avoid looking at her with lust, and avoid looking at her ^awrah (with or without lust).  Also he must not be completely alone with her even if he didn't intend on committing zinaa, as this is still sinful.  Their should be at least one more person present.  

Also he should not touch her directly, with or without lust (e.g skin to skin, or skin to hair).  

Lustful touching is forbidden (Haraam).  

Make sure you have these restrictions in place to avoid Haraam.

[samsparky]

welcome to TAI brother
May Allaah bless you and give you a lot of knowledge.

As for your topic, as well as zina being haraam, the "foreplay" of zina is also haraam.

So things that can lead to zina also must be avoided - because as you already know, the devil is always there to whisper to the person and encourage him to sin - and the best way to avoid the evil of the devil is to stay well away from anything to do with something haraam.

For example, being alone with a member of the opposite gender who is not your mum, grandma, etc. is haraam - the devil might try to encourage them to do more things that are haraam.

Also, for men to look at the faces and hands of marriageable women with desire and at other parts of their bodies with or without desire is haraam. And I can tell you that this is a big source of evil these days.

Also, to think dirty or talk dirty - that is haraam.

Also something that many people have unfortunately forgotten about:
To intentionally touch the marriageable woman without a barrier or to touch her lustfully with a barrier is haraam.

Overall, just avoid these risky situations - this life is just decades but the next life Allaah made it everlasting.

Allaah will reward you according to your patience and effort in avoiding all what He ordered you to avoid.

And as for marriage relationships - rely on God and be aware that starting a relationship on the wrong foot is not something good.

All of us want to be blessed by Allaah in our marriages and so it is wise to go about getting a spouse the 100% halaal way.

Rely on God the true reliance & He will give you.

May Allaah protect us from the sins and grant us pious spouses to help us raise pious children who will make du3aa' for us in our lifetime and after our death.

aameen Allaahumma aameen.

[Muslim_boy]

A boy can talk to a girl in a Halaal way, but avoiding sinful talk.  Also he must avoid looking at her with lust, and avoid looking at her ^awrah (with or without lust).  Also he must not be completely alone with her even if he didn't intend on committing zinaa, as this is still sinful.  Their should be at least one more person present.

What do you mean by not be completely alone? does being with her (only) in a public place where there are lots of people walking around is considered being alone with her and a sin also? Like walking at the town market with her just to make friends (no touching involved, just talking, joking and other friendly & clean stuff) or at school doing homework with her together while chatting for example just to make friends (no touching involved, just talking, joking and other friendly & clean stuff). is it sinful too?

Also he should not touch her directly, with or without lust (e.g skin to skin, or skin to hair).  

I can't quite get it clearly here sorry, I know that touching skin to skin is sinful but what about touching like skin to shirt (unlustfully)? like a friendly tap

Another question is: teasing (nothing serious) and joking to a non-mahram girl is not sinful right?

One more question: Flirting to a non-mahram girl is sinful right?

Thank you.

[Muslim_boy]

welcome to TAI brother
Also, for men to look at the faces and hands of marriageable women with desire and at other parts of their bodies with or without desire is haraam. And I can tell you that this is a big source of evil these days.

I agree with you on this, especially for someone who is living in a big city like me where there are tons of non-muslim womens wearing today's westernized fashion clothing that reveals many parts of their ^awrah . Help me minimize my sins dear brothers and sisters. :bsf5

Allaah will reward you according to your patience and effort in avoiding all what He ordered you to avoid.

And as for marriage relationships - rely on God and be aware that starting a relationship on the wrong foot is not something good.

All of us want to be blessed by Allaah in our marriages and so it is wise to go about getting a spouse the 100% halaal way.

Rely on God the true reliance & He will give you.

May Allaah protect us from the sins and grant us pious spouses to help us raise pious children who will make du3aa' for us in our lifetime and after our death.

aameen Allaahumma aameen.

I heard that Islam actually has a focused type of courtship instead of the western dating type of courtship which helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision.  And family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. Is it true that these marriages often prove successful? Has anyone here ever experienced the success before? (with no western dating style involved)

[samsparky]

I think that if any two people put in the effort to be good to each other and want to have a stable home to raise good children in then in shaa' Allaah it will work out because they will put in the effort to make it work. If they have an argument, they will put in the effort to make each other happy again so they can keep their home stable.  

I think that a lot of the time it is when people expect too much of their spouse is when problems come about - like some people start to think "Oh but if i married that other girl she would have been more how i want" or something like that.

If you fit yourself to what you have been given by God and don't complain and think of the feelings of those around you - especially the spouse who you might be unsatisfied with just because he or she is not "perfect", if you stop thinking of this world as the place of pleasures then you will definitely try to make the relationship work seeking the reward from Allaah by being patient and kind.

I mean, this world is supposed to be full of hardships if you want to get a high rank in Paradise. You need to make do with what you have and not waste time chasing after the pleasures of this life - just take what you need to help you get to Paradise and that's it in shaa' Allaah.

Make du3aa' for me.

[Muslim_boy]

Masha'allah Brother Samsparky I hope you are not just giving out your opinion but doing the same thing. Thank you for your kind advice. It made me realize a few things. Much appreciated. May Allah Bless your body and soul in this life and Hereafter.

rose30


Although, I think it would be more convinient if somebody can answer the questions I posted in my previous posts because I had spend quite some time writing it and hoping someone would answer them  :| . Me and my friends have been having those questions in our thought for quite sometime now and we do hope someone can help us because we will be needing it to take precautious steps in our daily life. Much appreciated

[samsparky]

maa shaa' Allaah thank you for the very very nice du3aa'

May Allaah bless your body and soul as well aameen

Brother, i saw your questions but you know I'm not sure if answering those particular ones is the right thing to do.

For example, you asked if a friendly pat on the clothes of a non-Mahram girl is allowed.

If you receive the answer as being yes then does that mean you will go and do that?

I mean these things are not an essential part of a friendship and we don't want to encourage people to be walking on the exact edge (as it might be called) of falling into sin.

The important thing is to do the best you can to be away from the devil.

This comes by putting in effort to acquire the knowledge of the Religion from most essential to least.

The best of the knowledge that anyone can learn or teach to their dear friends is the knowledge about Allaah and His Messengers. Eventhough we might already know it, we like to always repeat this basic belief of Islam so that it will be engraved in our hearts whatever might happen in our lives.

It includes always remembering what Allaah has revealed to us about His Attributes - that they are unimaginable and don't have a beginning or an end.

It also includes remembering what Allaah cleared Himself of in the Qur'aan such as not resembling any of the creations in any way.

These concepts are so easy to talk about among friends and the reward is so high for the ones who have the sincere intention to seek the reward from Allaah.

The one who loves Islaam will never get tired of hearing the knowledge even if he hears it more than once.

Many of us are so forgetful we can't even remember what we had for breakfast lol - but for sure these statements of belief we never want to forget about them or stop mentioning them to those around us.

May Allaah grant us the sincere intentions aameen.
May Allaah bless you all and me with patience, piety and always thinking of obeying Allaah. aameen.

[muHammad_K]

I agree with samsparky about avoiding being on the edge of falling into sin.  

It is so easy to become tempted nowadays, so it is better to avoid things that might make us feel tempted, in order to overcome it.

[Muslim_boy]

Dear Brother samsparky and brother Muhammad, with all do respect you guys should know that by getting to know a little more detail about our religion's boundaries are the reason that will save us from Sin.

The details you gave me are not specific enough which will probably leave me making mistakes in the future without me realizing it because of my ignorance. You have to realize that if you keep the really detailed information about boundaries in our religion more from us because you are afraid that we will fall into Sin it will most likely create a more ignorant society and make us fall into Sin.

A very good example on this is that most parents in my country does not tell many things about Islam either than the ones that's already in the text book, they never tell us that we should not get into a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, the text book never said that. Instead our parents only keep telling us not to go near or commit Zinaa. As parents that are adults, that know many things than their child, that have more experience than their child they should be able to elaborate even more so that their child could understand more dont they? but instead they keep telling us the same thing over and over again. Now that maybe is not very detailed for parents to tell their child. It is maybe not very clear for the child to understand. They did not push us into a more detail level of our religion. That is why many muslim boys and girls in my country became ignorant and now many are or have been in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship either non-sexual and even sexual!. And believe it or not I see many muslim boys today wearing a necklace and earrings too, even my own close friends. This is because our parents only tells us not to dress like women but never really elaborate why and what makes us dress like women and what accessories that we should stay away from. Masha'allah oh dear brothers, this is the reason why I am here today asking whether boyfriend and girlfriend relationship (non sexual) are allowed or not  :?

Again Dear Brother samsparky and brother Muhammad, with all do respect you guys should know that by getting to know a little more detail about our religion's boundaries are the reason that will save us from Sin.

For example, if I asked whether or not a friendly pat on the clothes of a non-Mahram girl is allowed. If I receive the answer as being no then It will remind me to stay away from doing it (Do you not trust me my dear brothers?). But if it's not wrong and it is not a Sin then why not?

What I am doing IS whats going to avoid me from being on the edge of falling into sin. Can't you see?

It is just like when you don't know how to play play football and someone just keeps telling you to kick the ball and thats he only thing that he keeps telling you. Obviously you will keep making mistakes, be passing the ball to your opponent's members, or even score an own goal! why? because you don't know!

Did you guys know that one of the minor signs of the judgement day is
"The disappearance of knowledge and the appearance of ignorance. The leaders of the Muslims will be chosen from ignorant people, and they will rule according to their whims. (Bukhari & Muslim) Today, studying Islam is formally considered to be an inferior career in most of the Muslim world. The leaders of the Muslim world are more known for their political or military prowess rather than knowledge of Islam."-http://www.ehalal.net/Islam/Judgement.htm

Brothers, thank you for listening.
Let's make a du'aa for the victims of the terrible massive earthquake in nation of Pakistan. May Allah bless them and give them strength to go on with their daily lifes again and may Allah relieve them from their current sufferings in the future.

PS: Please dear brothers and sisters, if you can, spend a little more time, sacrifice some of your time to teach and elaborate to your young brother here more about Islam, it's boundaries while he sincerely still wants to. Do not think that "Oh, this is just a forum on the internet, it's gonna be hard to tell him every little details about it, plus I'm not really sure about it either, I'll just tell him the basic, maybe he'll get it. I won't wanna be wasting my time writing a long essay and thinking so much anyway. I got better things to do for myself". That is just gonna make us more ignorant and I won't have anything to tell my friends later on what to stay away from to minimize our sins instead of the same things that their parents been telling them and what my parents have been telling me all this while. I am not writing all the long messages that I have been writing right now because I wanna do Sin. If I did, why would I wanna waste time coming here writing them when I can just go out there and get a girlfriend.