Topic: Fallen in love with a married man.

[Adalia]

:salam:
Assalamun Aleikum Varahmatullahu Ve Barakatuh to my brothers and sisters? I have met a very nice Lebanese man who is married. He and his wife have divorced two times already, and they have two kids together. I islamically married him, without either sides family knowing. We had our Nikah so it is Halal. He has turned me back on the right path to my true beliefs as a muslim sister. Alhamdullilah for Allah sending him to me. We have such a special and strong connection. He loves me for the sake of Allah and I for him. He is everything and I only want him in my life. I dare ask him to leave his wife and kids for he has told me that he does not know what may come, or if they will separate. He is unhappy with her which I have been told. I do feel awkward at the same time because they are still Islamically married and seen as a Defacto relationship. I told him I would wait for him cos i love him very dearly. He is now most likely going to go to Lebanon to seek knowledge and learn Sharia. Maybe 4 - 7 years. Alhamdulillah he is wanting to seek knowledge and I will NEVER try and stop him to go. I suggested we go together if he waits so I can save some money cos I want to leanr and seek more knowledge. You can never know everything. There is always something new to learn. He said it is a great idea though he said he is getting old and it would be hard for him to memorise and learn. I am 21 and he is 27.  Whatever Allah has willed for us will happen though I am still afraid, and upset. What do I do?

Assalam

[Martin]

wa ^alayki assalam dear sister
it is indeed a peculiar relation between a woman and her husband.
the first thing that your husband has got to do is to tell his first wife and his family that he's married to you. and let's see what will be the outcome.
if he's willing to stay that long in lebanon (4-7 years), he'd better take you with him. a muslim woman living abroad away from her husband is not an ethical sound idea. your husband must have thought well about all these consequences before marrying you.
now that you are turned to the right path, he can't leave you in the middle.
he can keep his first wife, for the sake of the children, if she accepts the fact. i do pity the kids in this situation.
well, my advice is that you stay with your husband for a while, till you save some good money, and return to lebanon, coz i'm sure that you can always get to seek knowledge in the country where you are staying (which place is this?) . in the meantime, ur husband has to reveal your marriage to the world.
Good luck dear. Tawwakali ^ala Allah.

[Adalia]

:salam: Assalamun Aleikum,

Thankyou very much for your support and reply. I greatly appreciate your concern. May Allah bless you. I wish things were much easier. I live in Australia. I now believe that he has not thought about everything, it seems as though things are harder than he expected them. Insha'allah things work out but the doubt still lied there because he does not make me feel as though I am his wife. Hay Allah. Very emoitonal and confused. He is originally from lebanon I am turkish.
 
Assalam

[Adalia]

:salam:
I would like to know where I stand in religious Terms with my situation. Please someone help me.

 :innaa:
Assalam

[Sami Yusuf Islam]

Welcome Adalia, and I am happy to help .


Islamically speaking you are not less his wife than that other person.

you also have rights and duties.

so, he has to respect his duties towards you too

[Adalia]

Now it has become more than what it is. He has become very distant. He is in a lot of pain from hisback and he issues. I dont feel I am at all priority to him. He seems more occupied with what he is doing which is expected. I should of known this from the beginning. I do not ask anything from him, only a phone call, a hello, some sort of interest to see how i am. I shall not say anymore for this is becoming much more difficult to speak about. May Allah give me the strength and Patience I need. AMEEN

Any advice in regards to my situation and in regards to Islam , I welcome it. And i am happy to read it.

[Asad_Cool]

Just a note. Somebody remarked that the husband has to make his marriage "known to the world" and to inform his first wife of what has ensued. This is not strictly true. It is actually in no way obligatory upon him to tell his family, especially considering it could lead to the destruction of his first marriage.

[whitelotus]

ok , that is not so  he does not have to tell his first wife but he does have to give each one equal time and there are other things that should have been talk about before you got married sister . I am not trying to be hard on you sister but there are things we don't do as muslims.

[me_against_wahhabis]

what you think brother and sister of posting a lesson about the Rule of Marriage. If you want to give comment on it please do so by clicking the below link.  Thank you for your understanding.

http://www.talkaboutislam.com/pn/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=3893

[Martin]

Just a note. Somebody remarked that the husband has to make his marriage "known to the world" and to inform his first wife of what has ensued. This is not strictly true. It is actually in no way obligatory upon him to tell his family, especially considering it could lead to the destruction of his first marriage.

Yes, i said so. though i must say now that this is not obligatory of course. but i was just talking ethics wise.
If that man knew that his first wife would be so upset by this move as much to ask for a divorce, then he must have thought quite well before attempting to marry again. Coz at the end, things cannot remain hidden. And it would be better to tell her from the beginning than to discover it later from other sources.
And how about his parents? and hers? how irritated will they be when they'll find out that their son/daughter were married without their knowledge.
Though i'm not in the mood right now to throw myself into a second marriage, but i keep allarming my wife about it. Coz who knows, anyone may end up doing it, and i prefer doing it in the plain light of the day.