Topic: The rearing of children

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Excellent praise and gratitude are due to Allah, the Lord of the World, to whom belong the blessings and endowments. He is the One Who is Attributed with all perfection that befits Him. May Allah, al-Barr-ur-Rahim, raise the rank of our Master Muhammad, the most noble of the Messengers, and his noble Al, may peace be upon them all.

Allah, the Exalted, has Said in Surat at-Tahrim, verse 6 what means:

“O believers, protect yourselves and your families from Hellfire, the fuel of which is people and stones.” Imam ^Ata’ Ibn Abi Rabah, who was among the successors to the Companions, has interpreted this verse. He said: “One protects oneself and one’s family from the tortures of Hellfire by learning how to pray and how to fast, how to sell and how to buy, and how to marry and how to divorce.” Imam ^Aliyy, may Allah bestow His grace upon him, said of this verse: “[This verse recommends that one] learn religious knowledge and teach it to one’s family.”

From the route of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah bestow His Grace upon him, it has been mentioned in the Hadith al-Muttafq ^alayhiyy that the Prophet said what means:

 “Every newborn will be born with the Fitrah ; it is his parents who make him a Jew, Christian or Magus .” When the Prophet said, “will be born in Fitrah”, it means that a person will be born in accordance with the covenant that was taken from him when Allah took the souls of the sons of Adam from Adam’s back. Allah formed them and created in them the realisation and perception that there is no God except Allah. All the offspring of Adam declared such on that day and said, “Verily, there is no god for us other than you.”

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The rearing of children is among the most important and serious matters. The child is entrusted to his parents; his heart is a precious jewel, free of any marks and easily engraved. The child may incline to anything he is directed towards.

Thus, if he is accustomed to the good and taught well, he will adhere to it in this life and in the hereafter and his parents and each person who has taught him knowledge and fine morals will share in a reward for this. However, if he is made used to evil and neglected, just as animals are neglected, he will suffer and be ruined and the sin and responsibility will be on the shoulders of his guardian.

We protect children by raising them well, teaching them of morality, teaching them of the best deeds and protecting them from bad company. How common is bad company nowadays.

Children should not be spoilt, nor should their love be directed towards ornaments and luxury, in order to prevent them from wasting the rest of their life seeking it as they grow up. They should be attended to from birth, such that only the wet-nurse who is pious and righteous and who consumes only the Halal is allowed to take care of and feed the child. This is because the milk that is produced from the Haram source has no blessing in it. If his early growth depends on this, he will be affected by it and as a result his manners will incline towards obscenity.

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One needs to monitor a child’s habits: if he is modest and shy in some matters, but not in others, and if he rejects some practices, then this is a good sign and indicates that he is well-mannered and has a pure heart. This also gives the glad tidings that the child will have a sound mind when he reaches puberty. The guardians should, therefore, take advantage of his modesty and shyness and raise him with morality.

Whenever gluttony begins to affect the child at two or three years of age, his manners should be corrected in this regard. For example, he is not to be allowed to take his food with other than his right hand, and he must be taught to say Bismillah before eating it and to eat what is in front of him. He should be taught to avoid beginning his meal before others and to avoid staring either at the food of another person or at that person while he eats. Moreover, he should be advised to eat slowly, to chew his food well, to avoid consuming mouthfuls of food in quick succession and to avoid covering his hands and clothes with food. He should become accustomed to eating bread and water only on occasion, so that he does not become used to regarding meat as a necessity. The guardian should criticise the one who eats much and praise the one who eats little. The child should be encouraged to give little concern to food and to be satisfied with small portions.

A child should be encouraged to favour white clothing. A child should be protected from children who are used to ornaments and luxuries and those who wear luxurious clothes. He should also be protected from anyone who encourages him in these behaviours.

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What the child should learn from the religion

It should be known that the child who is neglected from the beginning of his growing years will often adopt bad manners, will lie, have envy of others, be nosy, laugh excessively and be insolent. He should be protected from these habits by good moral guidance.

When a child reaches the age of Tamyiz (mental discrimination), he should become engaged with learning religious knowledge. The first issue that he must be taught is the exaltation of Allah above resemblance to the creation and those issues which arise from it among the matters of belief. This is followed by the rules of the purification and prayer, as well as the rules of fasting. He should then be taught what is prohibited for the abdomen, the tongue, the hand, the foot, the eyes, the heart and the body and be given a fear of these things.

One must not repeat the utterance of some ignorant people that, “He is still young, he does not understand what you are teaching him.” Such people should be told what Imam al-Ghazaliyy has said his book Ihya’ ^Ulum ad-Din, after he had mentioned the issues of the creeds:

“And know that what we have mentioned should be given to the child in his early growing years so that he memorises it by heart; the meaning of it will be exposed gradually, piece by piece, as he grows older.”

He should be taught of the Qur’an, of narrations related of the best people and of the stories of the pious and their lifestyles, such that a love of the devout will be planted within him.

When he shows beautiful manners and performs good deeds, he should be shown generosity and rewarded with what will gladden him. If he is disobedient once, it should be overlooked. One must not betray his secrets, especially when the child conceals them and makes an effort to hide them. This is because when he is exposed, it may increase his audacity and cause him to care less about being exposed. If he returns to the same behaviour, one should reprimand him by saying, “Never do this again.” However, do not reprimand him on every occasion; he may become accustomed to it and if so the words will no longer touch his heart.