PARENTING IS A tough job any way you slice it. Throw in five adopted children and two special needs foster children, and you've got a whirlwind of activity that's enough to make even the best moms dizzy. I spoke to foster mom Beverly Coffie and asked her how she handles it.
"You have to be very organized," she says, laughing. "And you learn to delegate. You can't be everywhere all the time," she says.
Since some of her children have special problems, patience and organization become even more essential. Bev has had children brought to her as infants who were so severely impaired due to the abuse they experienced, that doctors said they would never develop much beyond the level of infancy; never be able to feed themselves, become toilet trained, dress themselves, or learn to talk. But with love, nurturing, and a lot of patience, Bev has seen these children grow to be able to do all of these things before they left her home.
The children with her now range from the age of eight months all the way up to 17 years. Bev says each of the kids have their own jobs. She feels that rather than being burdensome for them, it teaches responsibility. The children are expected to keep their own rooms neat, help with folding laundry, clear the table, pick up toys, etc.
"Not that they do all those things all the time," she says. "They are regular kids. But, most of the time, it works." She also points out that the older children help with the younger ones.
"Just by playing with each other, they keep themselves entertained." And then, there's Mr. Coffie, "He really shares the responsibility."
I ask Bev how she got started in foster care. She said that she always wanted to work with children, and foster parenting was a way to touch children who have been traumatized in a deeply personal way. She says she enjoys meeting the challenge of working with children that have special problems.
"Every day is different from the last," she says. "And every child is different from another." One of the challenges of foster parenting that Bev mentioned, is that parents need to remember not to try and mold a child into the life they live, but instead, see what the child is used to and what works for that child.
"You don't just push a button and make a kid move. You have to see what makes this kid tick."
With seven children and their different activities, the Coffies are a family on the go. "It does keep us busy," she says. "But, we love it, and that's why we do it." When I asked her if it's all worthwhile, she didn't hesitate with her reply.
"I feel very lucky. I found my niche early in life. I've always known what I wanted to do, and I've been able to do that. I love it."
Ms. Coffie has been a foster parent for Northern Virginia Family Service (NVFS) for almost 10 years.
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