Topic: What do U do when a family member fails a promise 3 times?

[Sami Yusuf Islam]

Peace to your hearts

I have a problem and I need advice.

As you know, we muslims respect The Name of God and we do not throw a piece of paper with The Name of God in the trash.

However, it is acceptable to recycle paper and cartoon with respectable words on 'em, as this totally erases the ink.

A family member made a mistake by placing some trash amid papers with The Name of God on them.

I drew her attention to this, and warned that this is totally inacceptable.

She said she was sorry and she would pay attention and make sure this does not happen again.

To my surprise, a few days later, a very similar error happened again.

I was disappointed. I once again explained the reasons behind my disappointment, and insisted on this.

She apologized again and promised again that she would be more careful.

Yesterday, a very similar error happened yet once again.

My frustration is the following:

She has promised 3 times, and still repeated the same type of mistake.

Now I know that all she can offer is an apology and a promise not to repeat the mistake.

Yet this has already proven not to be enough.

What should I do???

When you explain 3 times why something is wrong and disappointing, and still the same mistake happens again.

What do you do??

[falasteeniyya]

throwing away a paper that has the name of God on it is Kufur if the person is aware of what he/she is doing.
You need to tell her that she needs to see the consequense of what she is doing. And saying sorry isnt enough.
but in the end she is harming herself and not you. She is responsible for her acts and will be judged in the here-after.
but u must bring her attention to what she is doing everytime you see her. If she is aware that she is throwing away a paper with the name of God on it, you must tell her that she is doing a blasphemous act because she is being disrespectful to the name of God.
Even if she doesnt accept ur warnings u must tell her everytime u see her doing such a thing because it is obligatory on us to warn someone if they are doing something haram more over if kufur.
well.. this is my advice. if u have anymore questions. send me a messege:)

[Moody]

If i was engaged or married to her I will make sure to throw our marriage ring or some important document or pictures in front of her in a trash bin, you will see how she react and tell her why you are making a big deal out of it??? is that important to you than the name of God? the one you throw away few days ago???

Make a big issue of it and start argue with her about that and tell her to make choices, either understanding that and pay attention to it or just finish whatever you both have...

Make it look like a VERY serious matter, make her cry or whatever...be hard for only one day to make sure she wont forgot that day anymore in her life...otherwise she will keep doing that and wont pay attention to it.

Shake her to wake up and leave a trace in her memory not to do it anymore in her life. Tel her would you throw away 10 dollars in the bin? No shell answer and why??? is that 10 dollars much more important to you than the name of God you adore?

Why you pay attention not throwing money in the bin, but u always forgot about it when it comes to words of Allah....Make it worse than it is already to make her remember that day.....

It'll work en sha2 Allah.

Good luck (waffaqak-Allah)

[Samer]

Dear bro,

First of all we need to know the age of this member in order to know how to deal with her accordingly. Meaning if she is a child under age of takleef we deal with it in a way and if she fully understands what she is doing and is responsible of her act is another way of dealing.

I assume that the one we are talking about is a grown up person, and I will base my study on this base.

First of all, we need to begin with her from zero, meaning that we shall teach her the three kinds of blasphemy and that the act of throwing papers with God's name on it is an act blasphemy.

I mean you need to teach her the basic creed, which is the essential knowledge any muslim should have.

I don't know whether she did the second and third mistakes on purpose or not, because I cannot understand that one can forgot three times after 2 previous advice and teaching her why we shouldn't do that. Now if this is done on purpose and she said that this was by mistake to escape to be scolded at, this would be very dangerous because this is a clear blasphemy.

If this happened with one of my family members I would have gone crazy on him and would start yelling at him because if after 3 advices he would not understand, may be if you yell at him and when he sees that you are extremly nervous and serious may be he starts realizing the danger of the act that he did..

May be if the severe advice comes from a person that is not relative to her, it would make a wake up of her brain because some persons accept the advice from a non relative person more than a relative ones.

So the basic issue is to let her know very well what happened when she does something like that and to fully explain to her what is the status of blasphemers in the judgement day.

Some people think that to be tortured in hell is not that tough because they are ignorant, but when you teach them and try to bring all the details about what our prophet told us about hell you make her live the situation, she may feel guilty of what she did.

I don't know if I have enlighten you enough bro, if not, please give us more details about her and her environment, because sometimes, living in a non islamic countries and meeting non muslims friends have a very big impact on the person so that he would listen to them more than he listens to his relatives..

I hope that I have helped you with this.. If you need anything else, please let me know..

May GOD lead her to the right path and bless you my dear bro.

[princess123]

subHan Allah

When you teach or need to warn people about something they are doing, patience is the key. For whatever reason they may not understand what you are saying and even if they do they dont always see the seriousness of what they have done. Remain patient yet enforce what you are saying to her, that she simply cannot carry on doing what she is. Explain the seriousness of the situation again and maybe if you tell it could take her out of Islam if she is doing it out of disrespect she will be even more careful next time.

Sometimes it can be simply the fact that you are related, that she is unable to take heed of what you are saying. Try getting someone else to explain that what she doing is simply not tolerable and that she should not do it again. Explain how disrespectable this is.

Allah guide us all and ease thing for you brother

[HafiZun]

hmm. yes sister bash is very right, patience is hard and important, Allâh rewrd u for ur patience with her, mayb u need to tell her the consequences if u have not dont so already. make her say the shahad'as so she gets used to saying it if she is not baligh.  we assume the best of our brothers and sister, do not give up at saying it three times. continue saying it.  be really nice to her. Allâh make it easy for you, and remember you can only do so much and the rest is upto Allâh so make du^â'

[samsparky]

If I threw a holy name in the bin by accident, then someone warned me, I would take it out straight away.

Did she take it out? Or are your bins different?

If she took it out then even after three times it's possible bro that she didn't pay attention to the Name of Allaah being on whatever she threw - like was the name of Allaah written on something not obviously religious looking?

I think you should keep up your warning each time you see her do it. If she accepts religious knowledge from you, teach her about the types of apostasy.

And there is one point about recycling. Here in Australia they asked the recyclers their process and they said that they put all the papers in a big container and someone gets in and squashes the papers by stepping. So here we don't recycle them, we shred them usually or burn.

[Emilee]

brother u did ur best to explain it to her/him and if that doesnt work, then u cant help it.
maybe u can talk to that familiy member again and ask them why does that happen

perhps she/he didnt pa attention when throwing away the paper :|

inshAllah she/he ll understand soon


may Allah help you and ur familiy member  :-)

[shonasi]

Assalamu Alaikum

Bro Abdullah,

It has been a long time for i was not feeling well. But Alhamdulilah am doing fine now.

As for that sister all you need is patient cus that all what Islam is about.  Continued given her your advices and let her see what u mean by that.  Explain to her the greatness of the name of Allah and the harm she mind cause herself by throwing a piece of paper with the name of Allah.  Continued preaching her inshallah by the grace of Allah she sooner or later realise what she is doing to herself. And will be ashamed of herself for not concentrating and taken your advice.

May Allah guide the whole muslim ummah.

[Faithful]

May Allah have mercy on us and help us say the right things that is acceptable in the religion.

My bro's and sis's have givin' u some advices and i know that u are a person who know the religion so if she aimed to throw it then its kufur.

But by the way u said it, it seems that she was not aware that a name of God is written in the paper she throwed away is that why she keeps apologizin' and said that she would pay attention next time=?

Scare her as bro Samer and others said!

We never know but here is an another advice and that is to read over her that is to say she might need qira2a! I Know what u think but bro I have been shocked many times when i got to know that persons like her needed Qira2a cuz sometimes Al-Qarin do effect her. Try!!

May Allaah protect u And Guide her and us. Ameen.