Topic: a woman's rights via her body

[Optimiste]

Al salam 3alaykom,

I am a first-time user, and first off, I wanted to congratulate the people who came up with the idea for this website.  It is very impressive.

My question is as follows:
From what I understand, a husband may only hit his wife on one occasion, and that is if she refuses to have sex with him.  But before he is allowed to use physical force, Islamic law says he has to try reasoning with her first, or turning his back to her, right?  And this is where I get lost: it is HER body before anything.  Husband or not, he doesn't own her.  I don't understand this.  Why would the man be allowed to force himself on her?  She should have the right to use her body as she pleases.

I would apreciate any feedback on this question.

Thank you for your time.

salam,

Optimiste

[Zahedah]

Al salam 3alaykom,

I am a first-time user, and first off, I wanted to congratulate the people who came up with the idea for this website.  It is very impressive.

My question is as follows:
From what I understand, a husband may only hit his wife on one occasion, and that is if she refuses to have sex with him.  But before he is allowed to use physical force, Islamic law says he has to try reasoning with her first, or turning his back to her, right?  And this is where I get lost: it is HER body before anything.  Husband or not, he doesn't own her.  I don't understand this.  Why would the man be allowed to force himself on her?  She should have the right to use her body as she pleases.

I would apreciate any feedback on this question.

Thank you for your time.

salam,

Optimiste

Wa alaykum assalam sister Optimiste :grin

I would like to thank you for your kind & generous compliments and welcome you to TalkAboutIslam.  I hope that you will consider me as your sister :hearts2 for anything that you need :grin.  I am more than happy to answer any of your questions, and if I do not know I am sure any other staff member will answer you gladly.

First of all, I would like to start by saying that marriage is a contract in Islam.  It can be conducted, and it can be terminated.  Just like with any contract, there are duties and rights among each party.

The women has her rights and duties.  When she gets married, she has a right to her dowry payment (mahr) which can be as much as she wants.  She has a right to be provided for (food, clothing, and shelter), among other matters.  She is not obligated to cook and clean or even to breast feed her baby (Islamically the husband must provide a wet-nurse), but if she performs these matters out of love for her husband and to make him happy she is greatly rewarded.

Among her duties is that she must not leave the house without his permission.  This can vary between husbands, for example some husbands like to be asked every time she leaves the house.  Other husbands, like my father, give general permission to leave whenever they want.  The point being that the husband must approve.  Also, she should not allow anyone into the house which the husband does not allow. In addition, she is not allowed to fast the optional fast without his permision.In addition, she has the duty to fulfill her husband's sexually desires.

Scholars have said that the husband HAS to sleep with his wife.  How frequently differs among the scholars.  Some have said if he sleeps with her once every four nights it is sufficient other have said other things. The scholars have said that the women has to allow her husband to enjoy her body, as long as he doesn’t ask for any thing unlawful, like intercourse during her menstrual cycle or to commit sodomy, or other matters that are unlawful to be performed.   If the man asks for something unlawful she disobeys HIM in order to obey ALLAH and does not allow him to do what he wants.

Some scholars have said if a women is baking something and is in the middle of putting it in the oven and her husband calls her to bed she must answer.

Islamically, a women has no right to reject her husband unless she has a valid Islamic excuse such as an illness.  The women who rejects her husband is damned by the Angels until the morning.  

Islam taught the husband how to treat his wife and I hope that you will visit this link  to see how Islam orders the husband to treat his wife. :lia

The man can hit his wife when she constantly disobeys him, that means not only in sexual matters (other matters include if she raises her voice or leaves the house without his permission, etc.), and hitting is to be used as a LAST RESORT in order to make the women understand the seriousness of the matter.  First he must try to advise her, and then to abadon the bed room, and lastly to use force.  He must not to physically harm her or hurt her (such as a black eye...for example he can give her a small slap on the hand). The man can not hit on the face, (and this is also GENERAL FOR ALL we can not hit anybody on the face be it men, women, and children. The man also has to be careful not to bruise or hurt her internally or externally as we know the women has many sensitive parts, he can not hit her in a way in which it will jeopardize her health.  That is, he can not hit her in sensitive areas, like chest (breasts) stomach, groin, face, etc... So we are left with mainly the legs and arms, and even then he can not hit her in a way which leaves bruising.

So as you can see it is a complicated matter. And the issue is not about the physical hitting.  It is about the mental effect of making a women understand the seriousness of the issue, as a LAST resort, after trying everything and has reached to the point of near divorce. It is recommended and even more rewardable if he is patient for the sake of Allah.

These Islamic laws make our communities a much better place to live. If a women rejects her husband, she may be contributing to a situation where her husband commits adultery because his needs were not fulfilled.


The women should safe guard her self and her husband by following the rules of Islam and fearing Allah.  The mentality dear sis of "It's my body" and the concept of "marital rape" are not Islamic, and they only cause corrupt societies and destructional relationships.


If you have any comments or questions, I'm all ears sweety :hug1

Your sister,
Zahedah

[Aisha9]

And what about the sexual needs of the wife is the husband does not want to fulfil them?

[Zahedah]

And what about the sexual needs of the wife is the husband does not want to fulfil them?

Dear sis Aisha9 :hearts2,
She also has her rights.  If a period of time passes by and he does not make love to her, she can complain to an Islamic judge. :thumbsup

[Optimiste]

But what if the woman, for one reason or another, asks for divorce and her husband refuses to grant it to her?  If she has lost any spark for him and their marriage, is she still trapped in his bed?  That would be sort of disturbing.   :hmm

[Zahedah]

But what if the woman, for one reason or another, asks for divorce and her husband refuses to grant it to her?  If she has lost any spark for him and their marriage, is she still trapped in his bed?  That would be sort of disturbing.   :hmm

Dear Optimiste,

She has no right to ask for a divorce.  It is an enormous sin.

However, she can ask in a kind way, without hurting his feelings, to end the marriage.  This is done by her giving something up, such as money etc. and him ending the marriage contract.  This is called khulu^ and has different Islamic Rules than divorce.

Islam is a just religion, always bear that in mind :thumbsup.

May Allah bless you for your questions, I am sure many are benefiting from the answers.  I am sure many other sisters have the same questions in mind :woops.

 

[MtM]

I don’t believe that any husband should hit his wife for any reason.  A man should be able to control himself, and be able to work through marriage and other problems with his wife without resorting to violence.  No women should allow their husbands to hit them.

[Zahedah]

I don’t believe that any husband should hit his wife for any reason.  A man should be able to control himself, and be able to work through marriage and other problems with his wife without resorting to violence.  No women should allow their husbands to hit them.

Welcome MtM,
A man is greatly rewarded if he does indeed control himself and is patient.  Just because we say that something is permissible, does not mean we are preaching them to do it.  We are just saying that if it is done (according to what was mentioned), he does not sin.

   :hearts2 :hearts2 :hearts2  

I believe that communication, honesty, and respect are essential in a marriage.  Above all, when the husband and the wife fulfill their duties and rights to eachother, then the marriage will succeed.  

  :hearts2 :hearts2 :hearts2  

Being married requires lots of patience and devotion and the best of marriages are the ones where the couple work together to earn Paradise.

[Optimiste]

?Well, imagine this scenario:

A young woman (we'll call her "A") marries a man ("B").  After their marriage, "B" becomes a different person.  He doesn't want to let "A" go out or do anything enjoyable.  He just wants her to sit at home all day and be dutiful to him.

If I was in A's place, I would realize that I am a strong, intelligent woman, and that I don't need to be subjugated in a man's world.  With an education in hand, "A" could make a better life for herself, than the one she has with "B".  If "B" does not change his ways, it would make perfect
sense to me that "A" leave in pursuit of better happiness.  After all, if she is educated, she could better serve God in the outside world more than by sitting around the house all day.

Now, religion wise, I take it this would be sinful?  And religion-wise, "B" could hit "A" and tell her to get to bed.

It just seems to me that man is given too much power in islamic marriage.  Why is it that "A" would have to ask permission from "B" before leaving the home?  After all, he doesn't have to ask her before going out, and he's not obligated to tell her where he's going.

Many say that these marriage rules make the woman's life easier and so on.  But why would I ever want to just have an easy life?  Life is about challenges and new experiences.  I would rather use my education, work, try to overcome obstacles, and so when I become old, I can look back at my life and say "I did accomplish something; I changed someone's life; I lived life to the fullest".

It tires me to her that a woman is fragile and cannot do all that a man does.  Of course, there are always limits, and it would almost be ignorant on my part to say the contrary, but a woman can always try!  Why limit ourselves to boundaries set by culture and society?  For the benefit of
humankind, women need to get out into the world, and make a  difference.  I have a hard time seeing how they can do that sitting around the house , waiting for their husbands to come home.

They say it's a man world, and that is why it has come to the way it is  :turnin And so if I could address all the women in the world, this would be my message: Get out there ladies, and make a difference.

~Optimiste~

[Zahedah]

Originally posted by Optimiste
[B

They say it's a man world, and that is why it has come to the way it is  :turnin And so if I could address all the women in the world, this would be my message: Get out there ladies, and make a difference.

~Optimiste~

Dear Optimiste.

This is my message as well.  I worked hard and got my Bachelor's degree from one of the TOP 10 Universities in the world.  I then worked for the Federal Government, and I wear Hijab alhamdulillah.  Please click here  and read that post.

You had a lot to say in your post, among of which was: Why does she have to ask for permission to leave?  Because we are not the ones who decide what the religious rules are.  The religious rules are not formulated by our opinions.

About leaving the house...

Sweety, I think you are confusing an issue.  Although a husband does not "Islamically" have to tell her where he is going, I see MOST husbands to tell their wives where they are going and when they will come back.  

A marriage is built on love, understanding, and mutual respect.  She does not have to cook, but if she  does she is rewarded greatly.  He does not have to provide her with a shopping spree every season, but if he does, he is rewarded.  

The religion stated the minimum, the obligation, going beyond for the sake of Allah is rewardable.  

Please do not stereotype marriages.  There is always the sour ones and the sweet ones.  I know many sisters who are married, working, and have children.  They have a balance in their lives and have their priorities set out.

We encourage all sisters to go out and get educated so that they can benefit the themselves, their children, and foremost the religion of Islam.

Please read the following post which I mentioned earlier, and let me know what you think dear.

-Zouz-