Topic: Upbringing....

[Ibrahim_Niaz]

Assalamoalaikum
Give three advise to everyone else on how to raise your kids properly. Something from your own experience might help others  As I request every time, for purpose of clarity and easy readibility, please give one point per post.

[xtallionesse]

Well im not a parent yet... but here goes...

[xtallionesse]

Rule# 1: Always spend SOME time of your day with ur child... even you're busy in a 9-to-9 job, it wont hurt to sit with ur little kids for half an hour at least when they're in bed. So, do take some time out to chat with them.

[xtallionesse]

Rule# 2: NEVER discriminate among kids. Parents these days tend to do that a lot. It doesnt hurt to treat the girl in the family like your own kid sometimes...

[xtallionesse]

Rule# 3: When your kid does something wrong, please do let him/her know that its WRONG. never try to hide their mistakes (especially when they're young) just because you think they'll feel guilty or embarassed.

[xtallionesse]

i think i'd like to stress on the second point. Almost all parents these days fail to see that daughters have an equal right to demand love and respect from them. They see girls as downtrodden creatures, only meant for housework, because what they see is, that a girl is to be married off to some other family one day, so why spend more on her...

[whatislam]

i had a VERY happy childhood and what i remember from my mother's upbringing for me was:
1.  total trust (i trusted her completely to be there for me - no matter WHAT)

[whatislam]

2.  example of altruism - my mother always considered others and we all learnt from her example, FHB (a sort of family motto - stands for "family hold back" which means always give the best to others/guests.  the last cookie or the nicest thing on the table you should never take for yourself but offer to others first) 

[whatislam]

3.  respect/expectations  (my mother always expected that we WOULD do the right thing and she trusted us implicitly.  from an early age she gave us total freedom with the expectation that we would do right by ourselves and to others and that we were capable of being sensible and that if we had made a promise - such as to be back by a certain time - we would abide by it.)

i loved my childhood - and i love my mother still.  i have 9 nephews and nieces and i think they are also all wonderful....  :-) !!!

it is perhaps more difficult nowadays with television and many negative media problems.   but nonetheless - children can still have wonderful childhoods. 

i agree with the poster above and think that the strongest influence on any child is not what the parent SAYS but what they DO --- my father was a very gentle and loving man and the strongest impression he left on me was it is not others actions to you but how YOU behave, your actions/thoughts, that is the most important thing... and that is the only thing for which you are accountable so never let anyone drag you down to a base level - or any bad thing.

but he never SAID that to me - he just SHOWED it.

i thank him so much for that example!  :-)

and i can only hope that i will be able to live up to the half of it.........

[whatislam]

so i don't know whether it was exactly those three things that made my upbringing so happy --- but maybe it was??  perhaps i have highlighted the wrong things and should have concentrated on others but it is very difficult to tell.